Peace may come soon, but first…

Religion. Belief. It is a strange notion. Yet.. everyone spends quite some time in their life.. if not their entire life searching for it, or practicing. Why?

Tonight was a very revealing night to me. I have been searching for a religion to call mine. 16 years it has been since I first started thinking for myself, and thinking about what is the meaning of existence. Seeking some solace in a belief structure that *feels* right. I put emphasis on the word feels because to me religion is not just a thought, or guidelines to follow and live your life by. It’s more than that. It’s more than just faith as well. Religion is something you should feel within every fiber of your being.

For many years, I had no idea what I believed.. if I had any beliefs, or where to begin the search. I was completely lost. Without hope, and even claimed to be an atheist at times. As time passed and I gained more knowledge over various religions and philosophies, I started to develop my own core beliefs. None of the “mainstream” religions felt right, nor did I agree with their practices. So I took a bit from here and there, and developed something to live my life by, that felt right to me.

Just a few months ago, my core belief system was complete. I knew what I felt, and knew that it was indeed my beliefs.

But, before I go on with my story, I would like to talk about Religion, the subject.

How silly of an idea? Yet, nearly every human on the planet feels like there is something higher than ourselves. Why is that? We are clearly the dominate species on this world. All of my negative thoughts about the human race aside (Believe me I could go on for days about what I feel for the human race)… we have evolved into something great.

But.. for whatever reason.. we still feel like we are not enough. There HAS to be something else. Is this just because we are the dominate species of the planet.. or could it simply stem from the fact that everything we have feared is now beneath us.. and the only thing humans fear is humans themselves?

There are many religions out there that use fear as a tactic to “herd the flock.” I don’t believe that religion started out this way… no.. I think they use fear as a tool to get people to conform. Shame, religion, god.. the afterlife.. should be something that is loved and embraced. Not feared. People should do good things because they want to do good things… not because they are afraid of repercussions.

This is by and far one of the largest factors in me swearing off organized religion. I wont point any fingers, because everyone is entitled to believe what they want. But.. I feel sorry for followers of these churches. Cult I think is a more appropriate word.. but again.. thats my perspective.

Then you have other religions, or sects/denominations of religions who are skewed and believe that anyone who doesn’t follow the word of <insert god here> will be punished for eternity. What. The. Fuck. I honestly have a hard time seeing how anyone can believe this. To say that because I don’t believe the same things you do, that I am a terrible person and I am going to burn for it? I’m sorry, but if god created everything, I absolutely cannot believe that he/she/them would punish us for not having “faith.”

It’s bullshit.

To add to that.. you have other sects/denominations that think they followers will be rewarded for punishing and carrying out judgment on non-believers. Yes, I realize this is only in extreme cases, but wow.. just wow. Thats not belief.. thats called insanity. But… more times than not.. religion is just used as a scapegoat to carry out some other equally fucked up agenda of some crazy douchebag, and brainwash the followers into doing their fucked up biddings.


The thing that chaffs my loins the most though.. is why people can’t just let everyone believe what they want and leave it be. Why do you have to attack people, or say this, or say that, preach this and preach that.. try to get the “other group” out of the picture? It’s not that fucking hard. Seriously.

The human race is a violent one, thats a given. I’m not saying lets all hold hands and be peaceful.. I know that will never happen. Ever. World peace is a fairy tale. All I’m saying is… Killing in the name of God is just obscene beyond everything else.

A man kills another man in cold blood. Happens every day, you see it all the time on the news. Sad.. but we hardly pay any attention to it.


When a man kills another man in the name of god.. it makes national.. sometimes international news.

Obviously when you throw god into the mix.. it makes any crime that much more obscene and horrific. Heh.. It’s kind of like shock rock.. or torture horror (movies like Saw and Hostel) Most of the time in the case of shock rock.. it’s not the music thats the big deal.. it’s what is being said in the music that creates all the hype and buzz and gets people listening.

It’s like emo kids cutting themselves with no intentions of following through with their “suicidal ideation.” It’s crap and it’s all just for attention.

By no means does this only apply to religion either.. thats just one example of many.. politics, business, advertising, hell… even love. It’s all about attention. But I’m getting off topic now.

But what about atheists Bob? Fuck. Atheists.

Yes, I said it. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but I make an exception for Atheists. Why? Because Atheism is something that does not exist. To say you don’t believe in a higher power, or the afterlife, is purely asinine. A true atheist wouldn’t believe in anything, including fate and love. Furthermore, why would an atheist adhere to any morals? What would be the punishment, aside from the law of men, in killing someone? If there is no karma, and no divine retribution, then why not rob, kill, steal, cheat and all that other “bad” stuff? Why not just kill yourself? Life is about pain and suffering, and one way many many people deal with it is the belief that in the end, there is something there that pushes us in our mortal lives, and that if we do those bad things, we will be punished in some way for them. But you atheists don’t believe in anything… so why go through all the pain and suffering? Just off yourself now. Please.

*ahem* Sorry about that.

I’ll get back to my story now, and wrap up this entry with *woop woop* another positive note.

My search may be coming to a abrupt halt.

Tonight, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Without even realizing it, those core beliefs that I have formed in the past year or two, what I *feel* is right. Is shared identically with a religion that has existed for… who the hell knows how long.

This has been building for a while, and I will go into more details once I’m certain. But.. one hour tonight, and my world was totally flipped upside down. When it hit me, it felt like some enormous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I honestly didn’t know how to feel.. and I can say this without a doubt, it was the same feeling you get when you fall hard hard hard in love.

But… who’s rushing things? I’ve learned what happens when you rush into feelings this big 😉 Certainly.. the core beliefs between this religion and “my own” are identical. Now, it is time to look into the exact beliefs, and practices. It is time for me to stop searching outwards for a religion, and now search inwards, and take a journey inside. It is time for me to learn and interpret what I can from this religion before I decide to claim it as a part of me. It is a very very very large step for me, because a belief system can totally change your life, hopefully for the better.

I can’t say for sure yet. But, for certain… my world has been rocked and I am looking forward to delving within and hopefully finding some more answers. I have never been so scared, yet so excited. In all my search, I have never felt this when it comes to religions.



~ by dorfeater on July 26, 2008.

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