Socialization, Feral Children and craziness!

Hi there.

This is my first post on my first blog. Anytime I post in this… there will be no topic, there will be no planning. I am not opening this up expecting people will read it. Rather the opposite.. but, if someone does eventually stumble upon this,.. most likely you will end up thinking I am absolutely insane. You’re probably right, too!

Here will be my place to let my fingers do the talking. Whatever my brain sends to my fingers. I’m sure there will be laughs, deep thoughts, self loathing, and a myriad of other “typical” things you would find in a personal blog. Yes.. I am becoming one of those people. This will be my corner of the internet. A public journal, and I am perfectly fine with that. If you are not.. piss off.

So.. enough of that.

Solitude is a funny thing. At times, being alone, in the quiet, with nothing except your own mind to keep you company can be a great thing. Oh, the journeys the mind can bring to us. Whether it be fantasies about living in another world, being another person, or just thinking about what you will be doing 5 minutes from now. But, more often than not, being alone with only your thoughts can be a difficult thing to deal with.

I used to know how to deal with solitude. Way back.. okay.. 7 years ago. I was 16, and I would go.. days, sometimes weeks with nearly no human interaction. Even then, there would only be one person I would socialize with. My best friend Bob. Bob and myself are similar people. We both have extreme social issues, and we both had extremely similar teenage lives. Okay.. that could only be half true. Once I joined the Army, my contact with Bob was nearly severed. I have not seen him in 5 years, I do talk to him quite a bit on the internet. It sounds to me like he has taken care of quite a bit of his social issues. I applaud him, I wish I could find the secret.

But.. getting back to my point. 16… weeks with hardly any human contact. I’m 23 now, and though I have human interaction daily. I feel more alone than I have ever been in my entire life. It could always be worse though, I know this. But.. it got me thinking.

I had a very short discussion earlier with a.. friend I will call her. Also something I have been thinking about the past few days. Can a human survive without ANY social interaction? If so, how long before they go completely insane?

So strange that I have been having these thoughts, and well.. tonight I came home, and I have had plans all week to watch the movie I am legend. I have never watched it up until now. People had talked alot of crap about that movie, but I don’t see why. I really connected with it. Being the pessimist that I am, the ending was a bit bleh.. but.. still a very good movie. I’m no critic however, and this blog is not about movie reviews..

While I was watching this movie, I couldn’t help but think about what I would do if I was in the character’s shoes. Such as… would I have the resolve and fortitude to continue, or would I just give up? I don’t think I do, and I believe that I would have given up long before. In fact… I don’t think any human could. Yes, we have the survival instinct that keeps us going through very hard things. But how long can we rely on our instincts.. with the minds we have.

He did have a companion, although not a human. Would that count? We can connect with animals, sometimes even deeper than we connect with our own kind. So there is always that.. and the memory of people to keep you going. But I think it would be the memory that would drag us down and make us quit.

Also, he did experience some sort of delusion. The mannequins he had posted up, he spoke with them. I don’t think this technically counts as insanity however. They didn’t speak back to him. That and, he knew they didn’t speak back to him.

As humans we need social interaction to survive. Period. But how long could we survive without.

I have watched specials, and read stories about Feral Children. Kids that are locked up.. usually by force or some bat shit crazy “parent” for years, sometimes decades. These kids have under-developed brains because of it, and have little or no speech, social ability, and very little hope for rehabilitation. Have these kids been driven insane due to the unfortunate events that has been forced upon them?

I don’t think so… I couldn’t say so because they have obviously lived quite sometime in there shelter, with literally no human interaction besides the occasional feeding. Which proves they can survive. The reason I wouldn’t call them insane is because the cause is a under-developed brain…. but.. at the same time.. what are all insane people? Either an under-developed.. miss-developed.. or possibly over-developed brain.

Who’s to say.. I’m no expert. The point I’m trying to make is, if it was all they’ve known their entire life.. they have adapted. One thing we are extremely good at and the reason why I don’t think the human race will ever fully perish. (One can still hope though)

It has been proven that during the development stages of our lives is when we are like a sponge. Someone who starts playing guitar when they are 7 will more than likely be more attuned to the instrument than someone who starts playing guitar when they are 23… even if they’ve had the same amount of practice.

So if thats the case.. human children would be able to adapt to things adults could not. If you locked a fully developed… sane adult into a cage for 3 years. I do believe they would go insane, and I would imagine try to commit suicide.

Solitary confinement in prisons could be used as an example here. From what I have seen… albeit mostly from TV.. the majority of people who spend a year or more in solitary confinement.. go quite insane. People who were coherent and capable before the year.

I am so curious about the science involved in the social dependency… or possible myth. Just another one of the plethora of questions I have that i will probably never get concrete answers on.

Regardless of if it gets answered or not.. being alone is by far, my biggest fear. I have a funny definition of being alone as well. I could write another thousand words to clearly define that word. But, I will just sum it up in a few. Being alone to me is never feeling complete.

I could have a hundred of the best friends someone could ask for, but still feel incomplete. But, I am only 23 years old. I have no idea what I have to do, or find to feel complete. It is hard to find a positive outlook on it because I have alot of negativity in my life. My friends are very great friends, but extremely negative. As am I. I would like to break out of my negative outlook on everything, but it seems like its ingrained in me now. The more I try to get away from it, the more it gets worse.

I say again though… I am only 23. I do believe that I still have quite a while left here in this realm. However, if my life were to end tomorrow, I would not be pleased with how I’ve lived, nor how many questions I have that I cannot seem to find the answers to. I can only find these answers in life. You would think that the realization of all this would cause someone to… change? Believe me, I want to. I can’t seem to find the way to change. No matter if I draw inspiration from an outside source, or from within myself.. nothing seems to be enough to get me to change. No matter how much I work for it.

Oh my.. I have so much more to say.. but the little tiny word counter to the left of this box tells me I have typed almost 1500 words. At the top of this blog I said it was 5am.. it is now 6:05. My fingers have not stopped.

But.. I feel like I should stop for now. However, I refuse to end any of these posts… ever.. on a negative vibe. So.. time for something positive.

Passion.. it is a beautiful thing. I do believe it is the meaning of life. Such a simple thing as well, yet there are many out there who have cloudy outlooks and complicate such a simple thing. Myself included. I honestly have no idea why. But one thing I do know is everyone is passionate about something. People may have stuffed it down, or put it on the back burner.

So right now, I am going to take a moment, and to whoever may read this, do it as well. Just take a few seconds, a few minutes, or even hours, think about what you are passionate about.

Focus on it.

Then smile.

Did you feel your heart flutter? I did.

😀

Goodnite!

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~ by dorfeater on July 23, 2008.

One Response to “Socialization, Feral Children and craziness!”

  1. Whoa…I loved reading this. I’m so glad you shared it with me!
    ^_^*

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