This blog lacks direction.

•November 11, 2008 • Leave a Comment

So yes, I haven’t posted anything in quite some time. I’m probably just going to shut down this blog. Maybe I’ll start up a new one with a less general topic, something a bit more focused. *shrug*

I’m moving back home *cheers*

Here’s to hoping 2009 will be a much better year than the last.

I know kung-fu

•September 24, 2008 • Leave a Comment

I’d like to take a little bit of time and talk about alternate realities. This is often something I think about quite a bit. I couldn’t tell you why. I’m not sure what I can, and can’t believe. However, I can’t deny the fact that it could be possible.

For those of you who haven’t the first clue as to what I’m talking about, an alternate reality is just that. Whether it be like in the comic books where we live in a “multi-verse”.. multiple copies of the same world existing parallel together that comprise all reality.

Or, more of a simulated reality. For example, the world we live in is just a simultation. Yes.. everyone knows that one, I bet the first thing that popped into your head was “The Matrix.” Well, I can tell you right now the Wachowski brothers were not the first people to think of it.

A less known example of a simulated reality is a game called Second-Life. In a nutshell, the game is what would happen if you took myspace, The Sims, and the world economy. Got them all drunk and horny, and locked them in a room together. Yeah.. 9 months later, out pops Second-Life. For fuck sake, that game has it’s own currency that actually applies on the real world market. (You can exchange in-game currency for real life money) People own and operate business in virtual reality, and earn a living not only in Second-Life, but also in our reality. It’s extremely in depth.. a bit freaky, and raises alot of interesting thoughts. I’m not here to talk about Second-Life though, but here is an interesting fact. The currency in game is called Linden, the exchange rate as of Feb. 2008 – 320 Linden = 1 US Dollar. Just think about that.

Anyways.. back to the actual topic.

What is the difference between alternate reality, simulated reality, virtual reality, or “our” reality? Within another form of reality one can fufill mental and emotional needs, but not physical. We still need to eat, sleep, and… go #2. There is no way around that. We still need some form of income to support ourselves.. generally you can’t achieve this through virtual reality, though, there are exceptions. But even still… 2 outta 3. When you think about this type of technology, and it’s age.. it’s still very much in it’s infancy.

The internet, in a very primitive and government only form, started in 1985. It’s only 23 years old, and look how far it has come. I’m gonna go out on a limb here, and say that the internet has been the fastest growing technology, ever. Every year there is something new… every day.. every hour.

If it has come this far in 23 years.. what will it be when the internet has it’s 50th birthday?

Since the public started using the internet, it hasn’t slowed down one bit in it’s growth and development. Whats next?

Using the same way of thinking, all the virtual worlds use the internet, as it grows, what will these evolve into?

The possibilities are endless if you ask me. I honestly can’t fathom where it’s going to end up.

I want to touch a bit on simulated reality now. Yes, the matrix theory. What if something like this is true? If life as we know it, is all just…nothing. Moreover, if it is just a simulation.. it’s real to us, right? So then, how can it be a simulation? Ahh.. a paradox maybe?

Right now, some super computer.. I forget where.. is running an evolution simulation. Basically, some scientist’s have a computer cranking away, simulating life… our life if I recall. It starts out as nothing, and over time, evolves. It’s not programmed to do it.. well it is.. but… I suppose it’s a very primitive form of AI.

I couldn’t tell yah.. and google’s not helping me right now. Probably because it’s 4:30am.. and I’m just talking out my ass.

All of this comes about probably because of my games. I play them.. nay.. I live them. Many of you may think it’s sad.. or not normal. For those that do.. you honestly have no idea what you’re talking about so just leave it alone.

Anyways.. I’m running out of shit to say.. so I’m just gonna end with this.

I’m taking a break from reality, right now in my life, everything is just put on hold. I’m not having any sort of a “real” social life, I’m not doing anything, I am just exsisting. My life for the next months will be in a virtual world. Lemme just clear some shit up now..

No, I’m not depressed, I’m actually pretty happy.

No, I’m not trying to escape reality, or escape from my problems.

I’m simply putting my whole reality on hold right now, because I find it pointless at this point. I have plans for my life, but those plans are not happening until next summer, they can’t. So, I’m investing time into my virtual world simply to pass the time in the real world. Plus.. it helps me save money :P

I’m not locking away my own problems. I’m dealing with them, what I’m doing is not unhealthy in any way with one exception. My social skills that I lack so much in, are not getting any better, haha.

I am happy, I am looking forward to 10 months from now.

I’m not putting any tags on this. Quite frankly, I hope no one reads it. Much of it makes no sense.

The ramblings of Bob at 4…. 5am.

Build me an ark!!

•September 14, 2008 • 1 Comment

So, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. Haven’t really felt inspired enough to write. Life’s going well and such. I have some time right now, waiting on some people in.. that game I play.. and I figured I jot down a few of my recent thoughts.

First off, I’d like to talk about Hurricane Ike. Seriously.. I feel bad for the people who have had their lives destroyed, houses.. and whatnot. I’m gonna go off on a bit of a rant, and I just wanted to post a.. disclaimer of sorts. With what I’m about to say.. I am not attacking all the victims of this storm. Now.. eat my words, muahaha.

How much of a piss filled brain do you have to have to see that every single news channel, weather channel, radio, and even the government is telling you that this is going to be a bad storm and not do anything about it.

There are fucktards right now, stranded on an island, most likely about to die from dehydration or something, floating on the driftwood that used to be their home. They have the audacity to beg the government for help saving them, when it was their fault in the first place. If they would have listened to the warnings, sure, their lives would be destroyed, but they wouldn’t be fighting for their life.

Back home, when we heard the tornado sirens, generally.. we got somewhere safe. Thats with 5 mins of warning. The meteorologists have been talking about Ike for over a week. Thats ample time to board up your windows and doors, fortify your house, grab as much valubles and family heirlooms as you can, gather up the kids, dogs, cats, mice, ferrets, newphew from the cage, and get the fuck outta dodge.

Seriously? Can people possibly be that fucking stupid. If they are.. then they deserve what they got. The whole world just needs some massive disaster to happen, period. I’m talking.. millions, nay, billions of people, wiped off the face of the earth all at the same time.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the particle collider will do just that next month.. but I seriously doubt it.

The journey back into hell…

•August 28, 2008 • Leave a Comment

We all change, who am I to say something hasn’t changed until I experience it for myself. Today, I may be making another one of them mistakes. But, who can say until its happened. It could be a mistake, or it could be the best thing ever. Either way, it’s not going to change my life this time.

Just passin’ the time, wonderin’ how you people will ever survive..

•August 22, 2008 • Leave a Comment

As the day progressed I went from okay, to hostile, back to okay, and then to feeling great. So, what happened? I woke up, later than I wanted to. Generally when that happens I’m in a pretty poopy mood. Then I got to work, and for the majority of the night, I noticed alot of rage building up within me. No idea where it came from exactly, I just wanted to explode on somebody.

Then me brain got ticking, it only took.. 7 hours for me to fully wake up and regain a fully functional mind, but we finally got there. So I started assessing my situation. What could be the cause for all my anger tonight.. I had a fairly good weekend, so I don’t think that was it. Hmm.. could it be work? Nah, whatever dismay I hold toward my place of work is quickly thwarted when I get home. Plus it’s payday today :D

So.. if none of those, whats left? Women? Pft. Roommates? Nope, just as obnoxious as always.

“Eureka!” I said, in my mind of course. I promise I didn’t stand up in the middle of my office area and shout eureka!

I’m mad at myself. Explanation is due, of course. I’m happy with my life, and the way things are going. I’m finally back on track with my finances, I’m able to have all the cool widgets I’d like, I finally got rid of that nagging cut on the roof of my mouth we like to call “Jackie”… for good. *knock on wood*

“So.. with things finally starting to look up.. why on earth would hostility be a consequence of it Bob?”

Good question. I thought about that a lot.. and I have deduced the following response. I’m hostile towards myself because I am now generally okay with being alone. Here is a sample of the steps my thought process went through during this 20 minute “ish” period. Ahem..

  • I’m rather enjoying being alone, only having to answer to myself really. I see what the people around me have to put up with, and think how on earth could I have ever let myself fall to that level.
  • If I enjoy being alone like this, why would I ever give it up? Furthermore, the odds of finding the companion I’m looking for are slim to nil. Why bother?
  • I’ve proven to myself, that I don’t need a companion. I’m doing just fine, if not better than I ever have.
  • If I don’t need a companion, and I do better for myself without one, then what do I need friends for?
  • Is what I’ve gone through in my life going to cause me to become a selfish prick, who thinks the world revolves around him.. much like my father (Oooh, yeah.. I used the F word)

Damn, this formatting after the bullets wont fix itself. Oh well, thats what was going through my mind for twenty or so minutes. Alot of selfish thoughts, I’m not quite sure yet if all of that was a good or a bad thing. But, one thing I do know for certain is… I want to be selfish right now. I want to bask myself in riches and gifts, and do all the things that I have wanted to do, but couldn’t because I’ve spent a good portion of the past 6 years putting everyone else before myself.

Of course.. going to the extreme that my mind processed earlier, would be a bad thing. I think I may have possibly earned a bit of the right to be selfish for even just a little bit?

So… from all that I have come to a conclusion. I have lost touch of who Bob is over these years. How could I let this happen? In my eyes I was a very different person before I joined the army. In alot of ways the changes that I’ve went through have been good, but many bad as well.

Hrmm.. I think it’s time to change that. So thats exactly what I’m going to do over the next,… however long it takes.

The first steps I have already taken, without even fully realizing it. I want to “re-connect” with my love of computers. I’ve been seriously slacking in that department for many, many years. I have so much to re-learn, re-build, and re-do, among tons of new things to learn and do. I now am running twin monitors on my rig, and my word.. it makes life so much better having this much screen real estate.

From that, I’ve concluded that I’ve lost touch with just how much of a total nerd I really am. It’s actually gotten me into a lot of trouble, putting aside my nerdom like I have. The real Bob wouldn’t care about what kind of car he drives, or even really what random strangers think about him. So fuck it. Certainly I can’t just get rid of my cars, but I can do something about the whole strangers thing.

I don’t know what it is that has me thinking this way, I do know, however, that I have lost who I really am. Now is the time to reclaim that, in all the epic glory that is the true nerd, Bob.

Step 2 of reclaiming myself. Grow an epic beard. Yes.. I said it, I’m doing it. I’ve always wanted a beard that Moradin himself (Dwarven god, for you.. non-D&D nerdo’s) would be proud of. Huzzah! Fuck all you naysayers ;) At the very least, I have to grow it, and if it turns out that I’m not a dwarf (NO FUCKING WAY, DWARVES AREN’T REAL?? *rolleyes*) and a beard doesn’t suit me. Well… then I will make friends with the razor again.

I has plans… plans I’m looking forward to, as well as many other things I’m looking forward to. Maybe sometime down the road, I’ll find someone who has many similarities to me, or can accept me for who I really am, and then live happily ever after.. or some such. I’m not even thinking about that right now, I only have visions of me in the future at this point, and I don’t care if thats selfish of me or not. I’ve earned it :P

Artistics Pointy Squid

•August 17, 2008 • Leave a Comment

*****NOTE******

It’s 7:30 AM, I just got home from work, I’m tired, I don’t know why I felt like doing something “bloggy” but I did… forgive me for grammar, and spelling errors. I’m too tired to go through and proofread everything.

***END OF NOTE*

…or, if you prefer, Tattoos. Yes.. it’s that time again.. and sadly it couldn’t come sooner. I have waited long enough, and laid many plans, but I AM getting my next tattoo soon. I just don’t know which one?!?! So.. there will not be much wordage in todays posting. Just some pictures, and some ideas. For no better reason than to lay it all out for my decision making process.

Let’s get to it.

A dwarf.. my favorite fantasy race evar!!1 The nerd in me cries for more dwarven tattoos

A dwarf.. my favorite fantasy race evar!!1 The nerd in me cries for more dwarven tattoos

Ahh the fiery bird of the life cycle. Read up about its meaning.

Ahh the fiery bird of the life cycle. Read up about it's meaning.

Another mythical creature... this one.. a bit more ebil!

Another mythical creature... this one.. a bit more ebil!

The codex of virtue's from the Ultima series, ask me, I'll explain it.

The codex of virtue

Question everything.

Question everything.

The mythical demons... though.. my life would be fact ;)

The mythical demons... though.. my life would be fact ;)

The mark of one of Satan's Lieutenants. Believe it or not, he is the demon of love and passion.

The mark of one of Satan's Lieutenants. Believe it or not, he is the demon of love and passion.

These are my personal virtues I posess. Cleanliness, Imagination, Empathy & Sensitivity, and Critical Thinking.

These are my personal virtues I posess. Cleanliness, Imagination, Empathy & Sensitivity, and Critical Thinking.

….and thats it for now. Plenty more, but I’m tired and should be going to bed. Remember… these aren’t exact tattoos I’m thinking of getting… especially the one of the night mare.. no no.. must be much sweeter to do a beast like that justice. These are just pictures to gather ideas from.

Goodnite!

Mathematics + Poison = Fun!!

•August 14, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Mistakes.

Made all throughout our lives.. some minor, many major. They are a normal part of life we’re told. Growing up we learn from our mistakes. We touch a stove or a hot fire, we get burned. We do everything possible to avoid that in the future, normally. Though some mistakes… most mistakes, we will make numerous times throughout our lives.

The largest mistakes we make, we say we’ve learned our lesson. Most of the time this is false. In fact, my own personal experiences would show that instead of learning from mistakes, it seems I seek those same mistakes out, even after I have been burned. I can’t speak for everyone,.. but I’m sure that there are those out there that could say the same thing.. whether they admit it openly or not.

Is it ingrained in us that we are prone to just consistently making poor choices in certain areas? In our genes maybe. Let us analyze for a moment.

First, the formula:

Desire + Risk * Choice + React = Consequence

This is the formula I came up with. I’ll explain.

Desire. A want, before you can do anything, there has got to be something that you want.

Sally wants an apple

Then you have your risks, simple enough. This is where you weigh out whether it’s worth it or not.

The apple vendor looks shady, dirty, and the apples themselves look spoiled.

Multiply that by the choice you make. I chose multiplication because this is where risk can be heavily amplified.

Sally wants an apple really badly, she has reasoned within herself. Knows the possibilities of the outcome, and makes the purchase. She eats the apple.

Next you have reaction. Add it on, because depending on how you react, it is possible you can affect the outcome.

Some time later, Sally starts to feel woozy, instead of carrying on with the rest of her day, she decides to go home and try to sleep it off. Later on during the day she is not feeling any better and thinks about the doctor.

Lastly of course, you have the final outcome. Consequence.

Sally, writhing on the floor in pain, reaches for the phone to call an ambulance. Her life expires before she even hit ‘9

There you have it. A mistake Sally will not be making again ;)

Okay… that was a little morbid… and random. My apologies.

The point of it all is. We see the risks in the choices we make, and we don’t stop the process out of desire. This is why bad things happen to us. I would think it’s safe to say that at least 85% of the bad things that happen to us in our lives, are totally in our power to control.

Yet, mistakes are still made, daily.

Are we just bored as humans that we have to go seeking pain… on any level we can get it? Have we all evolved into some highly intelligent, masochistic beings?

…or, is there something else going on behind the scenes that we don’t see. Ahhh.

Emotions.

Those little logic defying bastards.

That would be the answer folks.. we are not some form of insane pain pleasure beings. Some of us are… but that’s.. yeah.

I’ll use love as an example here because.. well… it’s the easiest one.

Love > Logic

-or-

Love is not logical, not in the least bit. Logical would be to avoid love, avoid the pain. We all know this.. we’ve heard the stories, known people that have had their hearts broken, time and time again. The chance in this day and age of finding “real love”… well, I would say you probably have a better chance of winning the state lotto.

But we still seek it… all of us. It’s a mistake we will all make time and time again, until we expire… much like Sally a few lines up.

Anywho…

Pinch Harmonics are a pain in my ass. My pinky finger has been irritating the crap out of me today. I bashed my knee cap on to my desk a few hours ago, left a good bruise. My uncle is up here in Washington for work. I’ll get to hang with him next week, can’t wait. It’s been a while since I’ve seen… *any* family. So that’s good. There you have it… my positive note to end on ;)

Cheers!

 
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